we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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