so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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