I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ruined the universe
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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