we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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