Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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