Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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