i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
