Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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