you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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