i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
