I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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