One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
