ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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