I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
