you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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