Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
