You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
