You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
