you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
