I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
