I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
