Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
