Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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