I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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