Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.