guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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