They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.