I accidentally had phone sex last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.