is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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