The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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