your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
