ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am naked and annoyed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
