So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That reminds me...we need to get swords
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
