WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
