We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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