i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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