I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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