farters have to be the big spoon...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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