Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Boobs speak an international language.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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