i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
