dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
