you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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