dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
