i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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