We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
