I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
