"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
