I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
