dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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