hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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