Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
