Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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