how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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