whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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