If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
