I want to make a zoo with you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
