dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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