Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
