He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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