It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
