that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
